Inner Work That Actually Works
Start rewiring your life for real
Here’s the truth: If your inner work isn’t making you less stressed within 30 days, you are doing it wrong.
You close your eyes and take a few deep breaths. It feels good to shut out the noise. But what is it actually doing for you?
Activities that are considered inner work are often practiced, yet rarely done effectively.
Meditation, journaling, affirmations, etc. I’ve done it all. There’s a right way, and a wrong way.
Let me tell you how to do inner work that actually works.
I will go over 5 practices and how to do them properly.
1. Attachment Audit
Attachment is the root of your suffering. There is a 99% chance that the reason you need to do inner work in the first place is that there is something you are attached to.
Often, this will look like a specific belief.
“I will not be happy until…”
It is the success you crave, a promotion, a girlfriend, approval, or more money.
Whatever it is, you are delaying your happiness, believing it will come when something happens. This leads to disappointment and more suffering.
Alternatively, it could be an attachment to what you have. Perhaps a partner, house, or anything else that isn’t really “yours”.
To do this audit, simply list 3–5 things you are hooked on. Make sure to give yourself time to really look inside.
Next, say out loud, “I do not need this to be happy”.
This is a small gesture, but if done consistently, it will create results. You are programming yourself to understand that your attachment is unnecessary for your well-being.
2. Nervous System Reset
The use of specific breathwork techniques can be very good at giving your nervous system a reset.
This is something I will often do before a meditation.
The first is to simply take deep breaths through the nose and sigh as you exhale. The vocalizing of the sigh can be felt throughout your body, no matter how funny it sounds.
The second is to take breaths in and time them (in your head, of course).
The timing I like the best is 4 seconds in, 6 seconds out. Doing this before a stressful meeting (or after), or before doing anything that might make you anxious, helps calm you down.
These simple practices help you regain control of yourself.
Doing them regularly will lower your baseline anxiety and, in turn, regulate your emotions.
3. Self-Compassion Talk
It has been shown that people tend to give others wiser advice than they would give themselves. This is called the Solomon Effect.
Because of this, many people have developed the practice of talking to an object out loud while working to give themselves advice.
This self-talk out loud is much better and more effective than whatever happens in your head.
The same seems to work when it comes to giving yourself compassion.
When a friend is in need, we are quick to console them. But when we have problems, we are often way too hard on ourselves.
Treat yourself like the person you love the most, and do it out loud.
“This is a hard problem to solve. You’re doing great, keep going.”
“You’re not alone. Many people have been through this, had trouble, but they made it out, and you will too.”
This kind of talk feels weird at first, but it is a quick and effective reminder of how you deserve to be talked to.
4. Practicing Compassion
Inner work is usually seen as what you do within yourself to grow and heal. Because of this, compassion for others is rarely considered.
The truth is, compassion for others does more for you than it does for others.
One small act of kindness goes a long way. It makes you feel more connected and just plain happier.
It can be as simple as wishing everyone a good day after a meeting. Instead of just saying “good”, though, say a bigger word like “fantastic”.
It seems negligible, but it works.
Altruism reliably increases your happiness more than “self-work” practices.
5. Back To The Now
No matter what you’re going through, the suffering would be minimized if not completely eliminated, if you are fully present.
When you are in the now, you are not worried about what might happen, and not upset about what already has happened.
It is only in the past and the future that suffering exists.
And so, coming back to the now becomes great inner work.
The easiest way is to simply pause and ask yourself what is happening inside you in this very moment.
Can you feel your breath? Do you feel your muscles twitching? Are your eyelids closing? The wind on your face?
It’s all happening now.
Alternatively, taking deep breaths through your nose while completely focusing on the feeling of that breath will force you to be here now.
It is a simple meditation, but effective.
This practice helps you go with the flow. You become calmer in the chaos.
To wrap it up
The last thing you want to do is make your inner work become a forced habit.
The reason I say that is that it will be ineffective if it is forced or just becomes something you check off on your list.
Results come from being present with your inner work. It also comes from being intentional and mixing things up when a practice becomes negligible.
If you keep doing the same thing with no results and expect something new to happen, you will get nowhere.
I hope you find these practices helpful!
Thanks for reading