The Constant Battle of Accepting Yourself
Your identity is more complex than you give yourself credit for
Believe it or not, you are oversimplifying who you are as a person.
You, like everyone else, tend to place a specific identity on who you (or want to be).
This is great when it comes to setting goals, but it has terrible side effects when you start to act “out of character”.
You feel ashamed or like you went against who you are, not realizing that your identity isn’t as specific as you think. You are way more complex, and that is a good thing!
This acceptance is a constant battle. A battle that you can win, though!
Your different versions
A few weeks ago, I got drunk… I mean really drunk! It was embarrassing because for over a year, I was preaching about how bad alcohol is for you.
While I was drunk, I did a few things that were out of character. Naturally, I woke up upset.
“This isn’t who I am. I need to stop drinking altogether if I am to correct this behaviour.”
The problem with this line of thinking is that it paints everything black and white.
It’s best to avoid activities that lead you to act in ways you don’t want to, but that doesn’t mean quitting altogether is the only solution.
Part of me wants to be the person who reads, writes, plays chess and is healthy all the time.
But part of me is also the person who wants to party and let go once in a while.
It’s fun, it’s a way to break certain social barriers with people I want to connect with and a way to bond.
It’s also nice to let go of the constant grip of control I try to have over life.
This creates a certain dilemma.
I am two different people.
One who is controlled, productive and healthy, and another who is fun, likes to go with the flow and enjoys a few drinks.
This is not a unique example.
You, just like me, have an internal conflict about what your identity is.
Embracing each version of yourself
Ignoring and rejecting certain versions of yourself will lead to confusion and prevent you from being as happy as you could be.
While you probably shouldn’t make your party side the majority of your identity, that doesn’t mean it can’t still be part of you.
Even if it is only 1% of who you are, if anytime that part comes out, you feel shame, you are adding misery to your life more often than is necessary.
It’s awesome if you want to go to work 8 hours, come home and study 8 more every day for a few years.
At the same time, it’s also okay if, once in a while, you turn on some garbage TV shows on Netflix and numb your brain with stupidity briefly.
It’s awesome if you want to dedicate your life to your family and spend as much time as you can with them.
But you are also allowed to want some time to yourself. Time when you can think about anything and enjoy your own company.
While these things may seem contradictory, they don’t have to be.
You should embrace the fact that you like multiple different things, but at different times.
You should embrace the fact that you are a complex individual who has different needs.
You should embrace who you are.
Remaining aware
To be clear, I am not trying to encourage you to let your unhealthy behaviours take over. It is easy to go too far.
Self-awareness needs to be practiced.
You need to be aware of when your inner party animal is beginning to take over and when your enjoyment of Selling Sunset is becoming a problem.
This awareness will help you correct your behaviour and reallocate your time and energy accordingly.
Self-awareness is how you pick which direction to move in at any time, and it is also how you can pick which part of your identity you want to shine.
Your identity
As you begin to accept each part of your identity and become aware of the parts that are more dominant than others, you will also learn which parts you want to shine.
This is how you decide who you want to be, or at least, be known for.
I don’t want to be known as the party guy, even though I enjoy letting go once in a while.
I way rather be known as the guy who is continuously learning, leading with love, helping others along the way and building his businesses.
The point is you can have both, but still focus on one more than the other.
You can be known as someone who dresses well and is also looking stellar, but still occasionally throw some sweats on, take your makeup off and let go.
It’s all possible. Just don’t make the mistake of rejecting certain parts of yourself.
Closing thoughts
This battle is one you’ll always be fighting, but it is a battle where you can get the upper hand.
By accepting that you are constantly changing, have different aspects to your personality and are a unique individual, you can win the battle.
Do this and you’ll be far happier, far more often.
Thanks for reading