Peace is Not a Feeling, It Is A Skill
Why most happiness advice fails to bring you peace
I used to think peace was always right around the corner. I thought it would arrive when I made “x” amount, bought a house, or moved somewhere new.
Regardless of the outcome, I never felt like it was enough.
I realized that peace is not a feeling you shoot for… it is a skill you learn.
By adopting certain practices, you can improve this skill.
Think of it like working out. You get stronger by training, not by hoping for the best.
I’m still working on it, but let me share with you what has worked so far!
1. The practice of being present
The most important lesson about peace is that to have it, you need to be in the present moment.
As long as you are worried about the future or living in the past, you will not be at peace. Your mind will be wandering, lost, driving up your anxiety, fear, and regret.
Warning: This is a skill that needs to be constantly practiced. Just when you think you’ve nailed it, you realize you haven’t, once again.
For entrepreneurs, failing to build this skill will have you always worried about the next launch or marketing campaign.
For artists, this may look like constantly regretting not perfecting the last piece you dropped.
Meditation
To work on it, I would recommend starting with a meditation practice each day. Start with a couple of minutes if that is all you can do, and slowly work up.
A good goal would be 10 minutes per day.
Meditation can then turn into breath exercises. As you get better at it, just a few breaths will help bring you “back to the now” and give you peace.
What Is
Another good practice is the “what is” exercise.
Simply focus on what is around you and look at things that are actually happening in this very moment.
What do you hear? Do you see anything moving? Can you feel anything against your skin?
This forces us to focus on exactly what is going on now.
These practices help you build this skill, and this skill is truly life-changing.
2. The practice of acceptance
Acceptance is a tricky thing. It requires you to fully let go of the need to control the situation, and ultimately, the outcome.
The truth is, you don’t have control of anything outside of yourself. It should be easy to accept, but for some reason, we struggle with this.
To work on this skill, it helps to see things as they are. You need to get rid of the illusions caused by fear.
Things happen. Sometimes they’re good, sometimes they’re not.
You can’t change anything now, but you can change what you get from the happening.
The same is true with your feelings.
You can’t really control how you feel towards a situation. Trying to control your feelings will drive you crazy.
Instead, accept how you feel, let it flow through you, and keep moving.
All your emotions are natural. It’s okay to get mad. It’s okay to get sad. And it’s okay to get scared.
Your emotions don’t define you unless you let them.
Accept them, move on.
I’d recommend going through your day in your head quickly at the end of each day. Figure out what actually happened. Accept the truth, and keep moving.
Over time, this skill will continue to improve.
3. The practice of grateful reframing
Gratitude is really the ultimate skill required to be a happy person and to find peace. To be a grateful person, you need to know how to reframe situations properly.
Any situation could be looked at in a negative way.
At the same time, basically any situation can be looked at through a positive lens.
Sometimes this can be tough, though. This is when you need to zoom out.
Change the time frame
See things from someone else’s perspective
Look for the little silver lining in any situation
What do I mean by changing the time frame?
Let’s say you didn’t get the job after an interview. This may look awful at first. But if you zoom out to a longer time frame, you can see it as a blessing because your next job will be even better, and you would not have found it if you had gotten that job.
Let me give you an example.
When the 2020 lockdowns hit, I lost my nightclub. At the time, it seemed tragic.
What happened in the long run, though, is that I learned a ton of new skills, got to move to a new city, and severely slowed down my drinking by adopting a healthier lifestyle.
Sometimes you can’t see why you should be grateful for something until later.
The time frame matters.
Looking into the future means you can pick any potential positive path!
Practice reframing any situation into a positive one to work on this skill. Eventually, you’ll see every situation through rose-coloured glasses.
The payoff
Those who are at peace have a certain aura to them. It is not only calming to be around them, but it is inspiring.
They are the kind of people you want to work with because they stay calm in stressful situations, allowing them to make better decisions.
They are the kind of people you want to have as friends because they don’t get mad at you, they can have tough conversations, and their peace is contagious.
Practicing the above and other skills that aid your peace will help you become happier.
You will be able to move through life, making the best of each second and bringing more love to the world.
Thanks for reading